bITS 'N CHUNKS
Ho! Clutch your pearls freely because I never said this was for the kids. Everything below is trapped under Mister Read More because (and this is a fair content warning as well) I'm going to discuss bodily issues, sex, gender ID, and generally post some NSFW images of things not safe for most conventional jobs. That being said, let's get into it:
So I have sat on this post not because I was hesitant, but in all my years of blogging I finally had a "Who really cares?" moment. I don't really blog for people to quote unquote care as you'll see if you peek into my wrestling or my menhera tags, but for some reason here I was shook.
I can talk about gender ID, but sexual topics still make my blood run cold. I've overall accepted being queer and I don't live too closeted, but when it comes to the body I still feel rather abnormal. I don't consider myself asexual. I don't think of my sex drive as normal or abnormal because that's a trap. But when I think about discussing my sexual habits, suddenly my thoughts are scarce. The last thing I've yet to breach is that I just don't care a lot about penetrative sex.
It took years to even admit it. Entering sex-positive feminist spaces as a young age (especially queer based ones) helped assuage my fears of being "weird" even for what is already kind of out there, but the support for non-PIV (penis in vagina) sex is pretty much nonexistent. It gets lip service before transitioning to anal or oral. In lesbian communities, the debate on penetrative sex is just... a mess. It's either extremely heteronormative or very cis focused.
For me, penetrative sex isn't a matter of fear or preferring women or other NB types -- quite honestly, it just makes me feel dysphoric and I have enough of that shit during the day. When it's pleasure time, no one wants to feel bad... or be made to feel bad by partners.
But even if I could admit that truth to myself when I was younger, I consumed a lot of lesbian/bi porn intended by and large for straight males and therefore it imitated straight sex tropes. I just got used to lesbian school girls schlicking each other to no end and the oohs and ahhs and teenage girls with no sexual experience with heat seeking fingers. God, it's annoying. But that's my life.
I finally decided to break out of the spell in the internet age by pursuing (and buying, supporting monetarily y'all) the exact kind of porn that makes me feel good and feel comfortable and to go out and buy the exact sex toys I needed. I tossed my old ones away and immediately fell into a stupor. No... release? Stress build up? You'd have thought I was a ghost with nubs for fingers. I have to consider physical limitations as well because of my limited hand movement.
I'm not afraid of dicks but most phallic sex toys intimidate me. I can never tell what is too big, too small, doesn't get warm, what material is what... I just knew that I needed two: one vibe and one preferably with a suction cup. I hit up early2bed and found the Beau, a very nice insertable vibe with great texture and a great price. I'm digging it, it is a little more phallic than I would have liked but I'm gonna let it slip 'n slide.
Then, purely by chance, I ran across Damn Average, an indie adult accoutrement and squishy toy creator. First off, I didn't even know you could buy adult toys off ETSY although I guess if you can get latex clothing for a fetish party, this isn't far off. Wow.
As my good luck would have it, I happened to come across the site as they were holding a V-Day sale, so I was able to get my new fantasy penis on sale... well, kind of penis. I'm in love with the concept of this one: it's actually an extended, monstrous clitoris. I'm so pumped about this one -- the colors are gorgeous and the texture is great. The best part about this is the small to average sizing. It's not designed for "filling" (which is not a bad thing) so I feel like there are endless things I can do with it that don't necessarily include penetration. Even touching it is... hot.
It's no slouch though, don't get me wrong. And that suction base? Perfect. Hey!
So I went through all this and I still kept thinking, who cares about this but me? I'm glad I'm able to get this out to myself and discuss sexual things in a space where I feel safe and where I feel appropriate. Come on, I wouldn't just review sex toys without an ulterior motive. Classy...
Well, if no one but me cares that's fine, but I hope I've reached at least one person out there that's still not feeling their place in this whole sex thing and is trying to listen to both sides of the bed so to speak. The moral, the absolute bottom line of this is: do you. Please, by all means, do what you do and so it harm none, that's good enough.
Ia! If you've come this far, you're either looking for weird or you know you've found it...