bITS 'N CHUNKS
Moving inside you when you seem asleep -
Influence all to step beyond the gate,
When you're slipping in preservative:
Hydroglyphic downed stones
Hydroglyphic downed stones
It is 10:58 PM central Saturday night; a plume of smoke so big & white crawls closer to me like a fucking bubblegum scented stranger that just stumbled out of a Victoria's Secret.
It's my own fault. I'm at an impromptu dance party outside and I decided to partake in the ambiance. I'm waiting for my last panel of the night - the entire weekend spent at MTAC - the dance is getting a little aggressive and out of control for my likes, as I'm still sober. There's a kitty lolita wearing kitten paws and she's going to regret sitting so close to spilled alcohol and poached cigarettes in just a few hours.
I'm at the Sheraton Hotel for early badge pick up and something feels off. My last convention post seems full of hope and bright optimism, but when I pull up that long, winding driveway I don't feel the best. Later I would find out the answer was simple: cops, yo.
But, at the time I gave it away to something weird like a Fisher Kingdom-type deal. I just haven't been here in a while. A long while. A year and some change, even. And a whole lot has changed for me since then; we'll leave it at that.
4/19 - 20
I've cobbled together some energy to get to my yearly MTAC outing, Southern Underground Pro wrestling per usual, and a pre-booked therapy appointment to help me figure out all my people issues.
(I've really, really needed to get out of the house.)
Things already weren't quite going like I'd planned. For the lunar theme celebrating the 19th's full moon, I intended to go as - what else - a Sailor Moon villain, specifically Esmeraude who's obsessive tendencies and failed attempts at garnering favor I highly related to. Well, it didn't work out financially but I was able to finish one dream off for good: a cohesive menhera look.
You see, my hair style is the antithesis of kawaii. On purpose. It's ugly, harsh, a little off-putting, unflattering. On purpose. If I want to try out yumekawa I needed a hair style and color that allowed me to be vulnerable in a way that I really hate. I needed to make it safe.
So, I bought a pink wig. I styled the new persona as Äªko-chan and made a mask out of it. Äªko was a nice place to hide but, you know, at the end of the day under all the byokkajaku and synthetic fibers, I'm still me.
âBecause it is me, the past 3 days could not be anything but surreal and darkly hilarious. Behold, again, the cloud of vape smoke obscuring my vision only to drift and clear to reveal a dance scene brought to you by marijuana, alcohol, and the Night that destroys inhibition. I'm hoarse from loud, rapid-fire talking. I've asked repeatedly for a fight & some more mischief. I'm stretching out the night & day.
I came out here this late because I was looking for something. A feeling to keep me grounded. All weekend long through the fog and rain and cold I could only think of, "go home. Go back. It's warm there." But I threw this ticket money down to feel like I can't leave, I don't want to go home. I was roving around for it like, where are you? The late night had already swallowed up the best part of my evening by now.
My last 3 panel choices ended in me being ousted from one, shut out of the other, and the third I wandered in successfully called by the allure of my number 1 piece of nostalgia: AMVs.
An AMV request night! It didn't matter if my request existed in the ether, I was just so happy and content watching visuals from new and familiar shows along with songs I hadn't heard since middle school. I spent over an hour in that room and by the time I left my body was so tired but my mind snagged on something and repeatedly asked, "is that all? Is there anymore?"
âYes, but Sunday.
By the time I crest the pyramid & get on over to the Basement East I realize I've done myself a disservice in trying to cram all my fun into a few hours - I'm shambling. Wrestling and anime had already collided at the Sheraton when I found a few WWF/E cosplayers amd chatted them up. I'm done, right?
I found out incidentally that the show was a livestream because apparently I haven't been paying attention. But I picked the right time to disappear under a wig (I'm not the only one though).
(I joke about my need for attention but it's at best 4% true.)
Not too much else is going to perk me back up quite like watching my favorite dudes bash each other & some new dudes join in; I'm very happy that the show streamed, too -- often I volunteer my serves to people who need to be mysteriously absent for family gatherings, and I hope replays of the show can do the same for others. My personal favorite of the day was the gauntlet match in which Dominic Garrini handily fended off a whole host of challengers (7 1/2 bones collected) because somehow this game is rigged to play to his strengths and it's annoying. Probably end up being underrated, but the real MVP match was between Joshua Bishop (the occasional Slutty Kat) and That One Called Manders. Manders, who I just recently gained sympathy for because I think we share the same hobbies & Japan affliction. Never mind.
You know, I never really fail to take multiple photos of pain while I'm at wrestling but I'm sad to say I didn't take a ton of con pictures. Excuse me, I was too busy hunting down something incredibly abstract and trying to drag it out from where it lived.
I joked a few times amongst others that I certainly don't spend a nice sum of money for events to kick it and chill -- I need to do something. But considering all the time I've spent this weekend talking to people that I only see quarterly, yearly, seasonally, I'm thinking good lord, maybe I do.
Ia! If you've come this far, you're either looking for weird or you know you've found it...